Added: Stevan Giddings - Date: 07.01.2022 11:25 - Views: 25916 - Clicks: 4338
She whined. She squirmed in her seat in the cart. She took items off the shelf. She threw the bread on the floor. Her mom asked her to please stop whining, replaced the pilfered items, picked up the bread and pleaded with her daughter to please, please be good and she would get some candy when they left. As her mother turned to figure out which meat to buy, her daughter gave her a kick. Mom looked around and sighed. She grabbed a package of hamburger and made a dash for the checkout line.
Sensing something was physically amiss, I referred her back to her pediatrician. The result? A diagnosis of a serious case of pinworms. No wonder the kid was out of control! One of my teachers, Rudolf Dreikurs, used to say that children need attention like a plant needs sun and water.
Mother Nature does her best to make sure both plants and our little ones get what they need. Little children are deed to get adult attention. Watch what happens when adults meet the new baby in the family. His little face and cute little fingers and toes make adults fuss over him and even compete to hold him.
His cries bring his mother running. His little coos and smiles keep her engaged. By trial and error, growing children figure out what makes adults continue to give them attention and what drives them away. Since they are dependent on us, they do everything they can to get the love and nurturance they need. Usually their early experience shows them that when they are well-behaved, when they learn new skills, and when they are happy, they pull adults closer.
When the adults react with interest, affection and approval, the children strive to please, to copy the big people, to grow in their social and practical skills, and to find a positive place in their family. Lacking enough positive interaction, will develop negative tactics to re-engage the adults. Being scolded, nagged, reminded, and punished is far better than being ignored.
Few parents set out to deprive their children of enough parental contact. But many parents are overscheduled, working too hard, or in distress themselves. Some children just need more interaction than others. Spilling the milk, fighting with a sibling, or pitching a tantrum may not get love and snuggles but these antics certainly get the adults involved. Children who are attention-seeking have a legitimate need. The first question to ask ourselves is whether the child has a point.
A shocking statistic is that the average American child only gets 3. Little kids need to be cuddled, played with, talked to, read to, and tucked in at night to be emotionally secure and strong. Big kids need their folks to share activities and meaningful conversations, to attend their events, and, yes, to give them hugs and pats on the back.
When children are getting plenty of parental juice but are still misbehaving, they have somehow misunderstood what they need to do to engage others. Then some remedial work needs to be done. It comes down to these not-so-easy steps:. Catch them being good. Give attention for appropriate behavior. Look for opportunities to make a positive comment, to pat on the shoulder, to share an activity, and to have a conversation.
Fill up the attention hole with good stuff as many times a day as you can. Surely we can all do better than that 3. Ignore the misbehavior but not the. When Need to catch a break seeking female child misbehaves, resist the temptation to lecture, nag, scold, yell, or punish. Negative reactions will only keep the negative interaction going. Instead, simply quietly send her to timeout no more than one minute per year of age. The less talking about the misbehavior, the better. Give her reassurance that you know she can behave now. Then find a way to engage with her positively for at least a few minutes before moving on.
The same principle holds for older. Withdraw, take a breath, and make a rational decision about appropriate consequences.
Institute the consequence without drama and re-engage positively. Repeat until the child gets it. Repeat whenever misbehavior is more than a momentary lapse. Repeat more than you think should be necessary. Everyone can have an off-day now and then. By filling them up with love and attention and by consistently redirecting negative behaviors, we can help our children learn how to get and give the positive attention that is fundamental to healthy relationships. Not surprisingly, when we parents are so positively connected to our children, we benefit too.
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